11.28.2007

How I stopped those annoying scam emails from Africa!

I used to get tons of scam email from Africa telling me that I was going to inherit vast sums of money from distant relatives who had passed away or been killed in the political upheaval of some banana republic. It seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop the scoundrels from approaching me, and the number of these items that I was receiving began to multiply out of hand. Then I started to respond to a few, and they stopped coming almost overnight. Here is an example of one of the responses I sent. I hope it helps you if you are suffering the same type of issues.

First, here is a copy of what I was being sent

>
>Dear Sir
>
>I am Barrister Haresh Daffal, a solicitor at law, personal attorney to Mr Morgan Mannis,a national Of your country,who worked with Shell Development Company in Republic of Togo.
>Here in after shall be referred to as my client.On the 11th of sep. 2001, my client ,his wife and their only daugther unfortunately lost there lives in World trade center bombing and since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my client extended relatives,this has also proved unsuccessful.
>After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided
>to track his last name to locate any of his relatives hence I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the fund valued at US$9.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Unitrust Security Company in Lome/Togo where this huge amount was deposited in a trunk box under the coverage of family valuables.
>The said security company has issued me a notice to
>provide the next of kin or have this box confiscated within the next twenty one official working days as they don't know the content of the box.
>Since I have been unsuccessfully in locating the relatives for over 2years now,I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased,so that the proceedings of this box can be transfer to you.
>
>Therefore, on receipt of your positive response,we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfers as I have every necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.
>All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of
>the law.
>
>Please get in touch with me through this email box only(haresh_duff@yahoo.co.uk) for more details.
>
>Thanks and God bless
>
>Haresh Daffal (ESQ)
>
>
>
>

And now, here is a copy of one of my typical responses

Dear Mr. Daffal,
We have all been wondering what happened to "Morgy". All I can say is, thank heaven that blood sucking parasite finally met up with the kind of end he deserved. You know, I'll never forget the time that Morgy, my cousin Porter (Porgy), and I were all set to go into the restaurant business. Well, Morgy and Porgy wanted to specialize in selling pies made out of pudding. They wanted to do a stupid ad campaign where they threw one of the pies at the face of some unsuspecting young girl, but the pie would miss. Even so, the poor young girl would start crying out of fear. Then the TV announcer would come on and say "Morgy Porgy Puddin' Pies, Miss The Girls And Make Them Cry." I just couldn't be part of a silly stupid ad campaign like that. Not only that, but the pies they were making out of pudding were downright poopy tasting. I'm sure you know that there is nothing worse than a poopy puddin' pie.
Well enough about that. I can tell you that I sure don't mind being listed as old Morgy's next of kin if it means getting my hands on some of his winnings. You know that Morgy made most of his money betting on the snot content of platypus pups during the time he spent down under in Australia. Either way, you just let me know what you need and you'll have it faster than stink on a skunk.
Thanks Wubby,

P.S. I hope you don't mind if I call you Wubby. It makes me feel right.
P.P.S. I guess that you are probably a Jewish Muslim like Morgy and I. You know, a Jewslim?
Therefore, it is apropriate that I greet you as is the custom with...
Ha taka no maka pooly pooly dagmar - dagmar no kaka tam gooly gooly plim.
Also, as Morgy's barrister, you are entitled to my sister. She is not pleasant but we have her passport ready. Shall we begin making arrangements for her to come to you?

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1 Comments:

Blogger Mac said...

That was really funny.

14/12/07 10:20 PM  

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